Once Conrad, our 6-year-old grandson, learned that this was my last day being 52, to which he exclaimed, “Very old!” he also asked me:
What Do You Love Most?
My response, evoking that joyful kind of teary-eyed response, caught me off guard.
This surprise aside, I also took the opportunity to clarify that in more ways than one, I’m as young as he and wish the same gift for him as time will inevitably also pass for him.
This morning, as I glanced at the purple elephant I was hanging on the wall when Conrad made his inquiry, I thought to take a few moments to write about why I love what I love — What a great gift to myself on my birthday!
‘Noooo…..’ the voice of preservation immediately chimed in. Warning me that this would lead into stories dating back to age five and turn into an all-day project— A valid point since I have zero desire to take hours of this day for writing!
And that’s when the “middle path” voice appeared, as it often does, proposing a compromise. The suggestion to leave an imprint today from the first memory that happens to pop up about why I love what I love and next year around this time I go with another one and so on…. this feels doable.:-)
So, here is a window into this simple yet complex being, much like you, yet, not really.
As I stood at the podium, moments away from receiving the scroll that symbolized my most significant achievement to date, the occasion was marked by an unexpected twist. However, before I delve into this peculiar incident, let me emphasize the magnitude of my presence on that podium twenty years ago.
Out of the original forty participants, only six of us persevered to the finish line. Such an accomplishment warranted the gathering of friends from afar to commemorate the occasion. Considering that I hadn’t even attended a similar milestone -my graduation day for my BA in Psychology, yes, this was quite a feat.
Yet, as the founder of the school and the founder of Ayurveda in the West, two people I deeply valued were about to award me as A Clinical Ayurveda Specialist, a sense of having missed something vital engulfed me.
As my thoughts drift back to that day standing at the podium, I’m reminded of my experience of getting to know ‘The Science of Life,’ from Ayurveda 101 all the way to Pathology and treatment.
There is a chance I could have integrated a good enough portion of it had I not also been juggling my first marriage and divorce, plus as usual, working tirelessly beyond full-time hours. Those three years were a whirlwind!
Fast-forward a handful of years, I returned to CCA, The California College of Ayurveda, and retraced my steps through the foundational aspects of this ancient wisdom I’d been so privileged to come upon in my lifetime. Now, with a bit more perspective, I came to appreciate the significance of my inapt-ness on that graduation day.
This memory brought close to heart a few of my current students. As they are about to complete the journey into Ayurveda they embarked on at the cusp of Spring I wanted to leave them with the clarity, and confidence in the answer to: ‘So, what now?’
So, here’s what I’m now encouraging my own graduating students to favor ….
When the materials and exercises explored during our time together don’t feel as accessible as they, in fact, are, may that intimate connection to what is at the core of Ayurveda — Kindness, be instantly recognized.
When for example, catching yourself not applying a certain knowledge you know is capable of restoring your ease, set it aside for five breaths (or something like five minutes):
Carving out this space for something so self-sufficient that no intellectual understanding is required will help build the determination and courage to allow the next move to be infused with kindness. This will be so, especially when temporarily hijacked by disappointment or frustration. Yes, also during those anxious moments when it is easiest to neglect self-care and hardest to prioritize it.
Dropping feelings of inadequacy is an undertaking, no doubt! Yet, it is precisely the practice that deepens our understanding of our complex selves enough to all-ways know: ‘Now what?’ especially if it means — Let me pause and breathe!
So, next time a sense of “something is missing” washes over you, why not place your attention on this magical thing called kindness and let it illuminate the path before you?
Vovo (grandma, in my native tongue), What Do You Love Most?
I’m most Joy-Full when in the woods, preferably on my mountain bike alongside your Perere (grandpa, in his native tongue).
Given nature’s effect on my connection to my soul, this would have been an accurate answer.
However, to my surprise, that wasn’t my response.
Instead, what came out of my mouth, in that most sincere kind of way, was:‘I love helping people the most’.
Yes, to serve as a discerning helping hand, is indeed my ‘North Star.
That’s not the full story, though.
There are other many sides to this Gemini!
Now that I’ve given you a little window into Me, what About You?
Whatever it is that you love most, here is one thing I’d truly enjoy getting to know about you today…
When did you last experiment with giving kindness the space to lead the way to your ‘North Star,’ and how did it go?
