Honor your desires, but be selective, please
The ‘romance bug’ bit me early. Blame it on the fact that I grew up in the heart of Rio de Janeiro, where Bossa Nova ruled the scene. Well, only partially because, while I found myself jamming to Joao Gilberto, Chico Buarque, Elis Regina, and the like, my school buddies were into American tunes….
Whether we’re diving into the tumultuous sea of romantic love or just aiming to vibe better with our world, fine-tuning our desires instantly upgrades our relationships.
We all know the drill — projecting expectations onto potential partners, dodging real intimacy because self-reflection feels uncomfortable, and attracting partners who stir up our unresolved disturbances. All are a messy concoction of confusion, isolation, or outright devastation. Thanks, ego-driven desires!
But what’s beneath the surface of these desires that vibrate at such low frequency yet seem to attract us?
Thanks to Ayurveda, going after the root cause of whatever I’m looking to restore has become second nature! From this mindset rooted in ancient wisdom, coupled with a previous degree in Western psychology, emerged the bug antidote.
Here are three discoveries that unveil a single foundational mechanism and continue transforming my life.
Insight #1~ Attention
I dabbled in meditation in 2000, but it took another decade to commit daily. Why the delay? I wanted a break from my hyperactive mind, but sitting seemed to turbocharge it! I stayed with it, though, knowing much more was happening than I could perceive.
Yet, when I started to focus on my heart’s pulsation, this new place to rest my attention became more and more appealing than my otherwise loud thoughts.
When we catch a more subtle pulsation, we instantly know this is a place worthy of our attention.
Here is perhaps a more relatable example…
Consider the kind of trouble that surfaces from ego power-play. Yes, the type that can’t help but express itself in ways that disturb our relationships. Where does your attention go? What if you see it as one of your little loves having temper tantrums? Would you not take the loud signal for attention to sturdily and compassionately tend to those wounded places?
Circling back to the first example, attention to quieting the mind goes a long way at such moments.
Insight #2 ~ Curiosity
Twelve years and two months ago, while on a pilgrimage to India, I met someone who knocked my socks off. And yes, we were barefoot most of the time.
Although we didn’t fit each other’s ‘types at first,’ the magnetic wonder between us had other plans. We instantly became inseparable ‘cumplices’ — that’s ‘partners in crime’ in my native tongue, but infinitely sexier.
Curiosity, my friend, has led us to a sweet spot. A place where, my adored companion and I, find ourselves continuously asking the most meaningful questions like,
How can I better serve this human I share my life with?
No, a pilgrimage to a faraway land need not be in the cards. We can take inventory of where we currently stand right here and now. Curiosity, however, is a secret weapon sure to unveil any patterns begging to be put to rest so that a more sustaining kind of satisfaction can emerge.
Insight #3 ~ Prioritize
In my two decades of guiding clients and students to move their meaningful, holistic desires to the front of the line, this is crystal clear to me: attention and curiosity are the unsung heroes in this transformation.
However, our patterns, creatures of habit, cozy up to their comfort zones. And here, there is no redirecting our attention (to the heart or anywhere else). The grit to boldly bring our more refined desires to the front of the line is required if we are to become compelled to cultivate a sense of wonder as a constant companion.
We’ve got to boldly bring our more refined desires to the front of the line, even while the outdated ones kick and scream. After all, who wants to lose their VIP status, right?
‘The Romance Bug,’ debugged …
It’s a simple mechanism that we are meant to unpack continuously. To do this indefinitely. Ideally, the smother way: under the care of your attention, curiosity, and a support system where your more meaningful desires are the priority.
As influenced as we are by our ego-driven forces, the ones that like to kick and scream, we’re not limited by them.
According to the healing wisdom that has withstood the test of time, Ayurveda, this choice-making operating system that is our intellect, will eagerly tune into another listening when provided the chance. It can also hear a much softer, more genuine whispering sound — desires pulsing at a rhythm that aligns with the whole, not the separate.
Which of the pulsations aiming to influence your choices at this very moment do you wish to see flourish?
Having your attention in this auspicious place now, can you follow those genuine whispers with curiosity?
Now, to favor the desires pulsing in tune with the whole instead of the ones that vibrate at a fragmented frequency, we must be willing to rearrange and refresh our priorities continuously.
So romantic, at the same time, so real!!! Thanks for showing the elements that are so important in our complex individuallity!!! Let’s be attentive to our ego and to our soul, always enlightened by Ayurveda teachings!!! Many thanks for bringing our attention to the complexity of being human!!!!