I was just remembering …..
how simply elated you’d get those evenings when we practically had the beach to ourselves…..
ocean, stars, the moon (sometimes in her glory), the tropical breeze…
You’d run in circles on that soft warm sand while also pausing to look at me as if enthusiastically shouting “this is heaven!”
It’s Spring now my little guy,
my first Spring without you!
Yesterday Deni and I walked Durand beach and you were in my heart each step of the day.
Just now writing this I recognize that this was not just one of the places that we enjoyed many times together since moving to Rochester ….
{sometimes in your heavy duty coat and red wool scarf and at some other times having to be carried because when the snow turned into slush it hurt your paws}
…. this was where we went for our last real walk together – you and I – one sunny late Autumn afternoon!
Thank you for all that time I got to have in nature because of you! Nearly daily, for 15.5 years, we basked in that greatest healing balm together.
Just as wonderful as the gift of nature, was the privilege of having cared for you. So much of what I’ve learned about unconditional love has manifested through you.
In my mind’s eye, I see you with your auntie Heidi
{who crossed over the rainbow bridge before you came into the world. She loved animals and enjoyed most living in Hawaii. }
{who crossed over the rainbow bridge before you came into the world. She loved animals and enjoyed most living in Hawaii. }
I envision you both now running together on the soft and warm sand waving my way….
I love you Yoda!
Mom
Mom
Fast-forward some hours …..
I was intending to carry on with the duties of the day after writing that note above.
Yet instead I followed the call to place a gentle pause in my world so that I could cry and cry some more…
There is something wondrous about going to those places of deep sadness. They allow access to a tenderness, a vulnerability that is somehow linked to what I know is also my joy!
Although I’m not speaking of tears of joy, there is a trace of similarity in both experiences. Deeply felt tears I’ve cried seem to all be composed of qualities which bring me to a place I recognize as home.
I took this opportunity today to create a sacred spot in our home for you.
Knowing that rituals serve as such supportive containers for bridging the gaps, I’ve had (since you passed) some ideas for places to spread your ashes, such as:
Next time I get to go for that great swim…
…in the Pacific ocean near where you were born and lived for much of your life
… in the Atlantic ocean where you got to visit and enjoy those glorious moments running on the sand.
I also thought of doing this at the top of Mount Wilson, where you used to ‘fly up and back’ (while I rode the bike ruffing and puffing).
Yet, I feel that the day for your memorial is upon us now.
So this evening Deni and I will go to the lake and we’ll celebrate you with beautiful chanting and precious memories of you – our 7 lives dog! We’ll sprinkling the first part of your ashes into the water, using white flower pedals as carriers.
Then, we will go to your forest and complete the ceremony giving back to the earth your remaining ashes.
There I will ask the man you so eagerly greeted at the end of each day, to plant sage and rosemary seeds in a pot and bring home to add to your new special corner.
May your soul’s journey continue to bring you to more fruitful experiences and less suffering.
Most of all, may you know that you are loved.
You are so loved!
Your friend into infinity,
me
